Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Death's brother, Sleep.

[Sleep is] the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.

Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

The day is for honest men, the night for thieves.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.

Good habits result from resisting temptation.

The only joy in the world is to begin.

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.

I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy!

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.

Joy is not in things; it is in us

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy.

Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.

Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.

Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.

Humor is a universal language.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

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1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.

8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
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Great ideas often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds.

If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.

The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor.

Life is the flower for which love is the honey....

An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come....

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.

If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

Big words seldom accompany good deeds.

When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers.

There are two kinds of people who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else.

It's important to know that words don't move mountains. Work, exacting work moves mountains.

Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.

All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

You must do the things you think you cannot do.

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.

Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.

The most solid comfort one can fall back upon is the thought that the business of one's life is to help in some small way to reduce the sum of ignorance, degradation and misery on the face of this beautiful earth.

A thought which does not result in an action is nothing much,
and an action which does not proceed from a thought is nothing at all.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.

A lot of people are waiting for Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi to come back -- but they are gone. We are it. It is up to us. It is up to you.

If you don't like the way the world is, you change it. You have an obligation to change it You just do it one step at a time.